Walking through the Fear

One day this past June I woke up out of a not so sound sleep. I was going through a nervous breakdown, in which, every nerve in my body felt like it was shattered and the depth to which I was experiencing pain was nothing like I had ever felt before. My mind wanted to keep on going in the job I had picked up just for the summer. It was a familiar job one that I had been going around in circles over and over in because I just was to afraid to anything else. Oh yes, the restaurant server.

I wanted to make money to go to a Kundalini Yoga teacher training program in August. I was determined to make my own money and pay for it no matter how many shifts I had to work. I went through the training and I did start working. Now mind you I have been serving people for years. I certainly wasn't the greatest, but I did the best I could...most of the time;) This time around things just weren't working out for me. I kept messing up left and right, I couldn't adjust to the archaic computer system, and to top it off my body just would not keep up with what I wanted to acheive. What was going on? Nobody would take me seriously when I explained how I felt. It was always, "Oh well that's what happens when you work your body will adjust." No. It wasn't. Not even with all my visualizations. I finally got to talk with someone who believed and could relate to the depth of pain I was in. That is all I needed was someone to understand. She helped me realize this was a part of me crying out to stop this nonsense once and for all. My inner child was in so much pain she sabatoging me at every turn at that job.

The day I finally woke up literally and figuratively is the day I could feel my whole cellular structure shift in my body. I made the decision that day I awoke that I was going to follow the images I kept receiving in my head and take my portfolio of art to a store called, A New Earth Center in Hendersonville, TN. I didn't know what to do or even say, but all I knew is I HAD TO GO THERE AND IT HAD TO BE THAT DAY. As I was loading my car a smile spread across my face unlike any smile I had ever experienced before. As I was driving my car it was as if something else was driving it and I was just going with the flow. That is what I jumped into that day...the flow. I went into the store scared as all get out, but, followed the image in my head and showed Kimberly my portfolio. I said, "All I know is I am suppose to show you these and see what you think and if there was a possibility of selling them in your store?"

Yes, she agreed and I was shining as bright as the sun. I left beaming the rest of the day. This was the same day I woke up in a dark funk deciding whether I would go back into work that night or not. The MOMENT I literally stomped my foot and said, "I no longer choose this old way of existing I choose this new way. I don't care if I am scared I would rather walk through my fear then stay in the pain of the old any longer. I AM AN ARTIST! My whole world changed.

Yes, I quit that job and I have worked non stop creating these prints of my artwork ever since. The name of my company has come out of this and as I stay in the flow I will keep evolving what this company is going to encompass. A Simple Magical World has just put its art work in its first two stores today. FairyTales, A Childrens Bookstore and A New Earth Center.

Talk about a magical day. This is huge for a person who has blocked her creative self for half of her life crippled by fear and low self-esteem. I am honoring my innerchild by putting her drawings of the world through her eyes out in the publics view. Today a couple of stores, tomorrow a website and Ebay page, who knows? As long as I stay in the flow more will be revealed and unfold like magic before my eyes. By the way I did make a huge chunk of money towards my teacher training, got accepted to the work study program, and there is good ol Mr. credit card. I am leaving for the teacher training in one week!

Ask yourself which path would you choose- the pain of the old and familiar, or the temporary uncomfortable adjustment to the new self emerging?